Quiet around here…

Apologies for the absence of updates recently. No, I haven’t got bored with blogging already. It’s a great way of doing something when I ought to be doing something else (as Owen Paul might have said). Paid work is intervening in the form of an all-month 9am-5pm stint in London, which entails a hideously early start. Still, all that time sitting on trains has meant I’ve completed one of the items on the 2010 to-do list.

No, not learning how to do a bow tie (imagine the befuddlement of my fellow commuters, though; it’d be worth doing just for a laugh). Jude the Obscure – great book, but joyless. I’m reading The Naked And The Dead now. I’ll probably need a comedy after that…

Briatore: justice has been served (sort of)

To wails of angst in many quarters, Flavio Briatore yesterday succeeded in overturning the lifetime exclusion from motorsport imposed on him and Pat Symonds by the FIA World Motor Sport Council. The judgement seems to me to be fair and proper.

Let me clarify. I have no great sympathy for Briatore and have little liking for what he represents: a vacuous ethical continuum inhabited by overly wealthy and out-of-touch old men. He is the epitome of the grasping plutocrat who seeks success and personal enrichment above all else, and it was this mindset that led him to a dark place in September 2008.

Some people will tell you that the end justifies the means. And yet, even if the goal in question is winning a grand prix, no reasonable person could sanction a means by which a driver is permitted or compelled to recklessly endanger their own life as well as those of the marshals and spectators. From this angle the matter of whether Nelson Piquet was the originator of the stratagem, or whether Briatore and Symonds coerced him, is irrelevant.

To my mind the original punishment fitted the crime. What the Tribunal de Grande Instance in Paris found yesterday was that the FIA had no power to impose that punishment on Briatore and Symonds because they were not FIA license holders. This was the argument Briatore had put forward before the WMSC hearing, and was so confident in that he did not turn up for the hearing itself.

The WMSC’s verdict was, at best, a fudge – and one that was motivated by political expediency. Under Article 123 of the International Sporting Code, Renault F1 was responsible for the actions of its employees. It escaped punishment because it took rapid and severe action in mitigation; but one doesn’t have to be too cynical to observe that the last thing the sport needed at that time was to lose another manufacturer. Thus the verdict, which in its legalistic agility and its attention to detail bears the stamp of the outgoing FIA president, Max Mosley:

As regards Mr Briatore, the World Motor Sport Council declares that, for an unlimited period, the FIA does not intend to sanction any International Event, Championship, Cup, Trophy, Challenge or Series involving Mr Briatore in any capacity whatsoever, or grant any license to any Team or other entity engaging Mr Briatore in any capacity whatsoever. It also hereby instructs all officials present at FIA-sanctioned events not to permit Mr Briatore access to any areas under the FIA’s jurisdiction.

It is therefore not a ban, as such, but an edict to all involved in motorsport to send Messrs Briatore and Symonds to Coventry. Even so, it is what it is: a clever piece of linguistic legerdemain, but ultimately a fudge.

I know I’m slightly unfashionable in my belief that Max Mosley did much to improve motorsport during his tenure. But he frequently demonstrated an unpleasantly patrician and autocratic mindset – one that drove him to deploy his considerable intellect with a steamrollering flourish.

No person or body should have the power to impose a punishment that is not properly enshrined in law. This is a fundamental principle of justice. The FIA must take the opportunity to provide itself with the mechanisms to punish miscreants fairly and transparently. In its statement yesterday, it suggested that something may be on the cards:

The FIA intends to consider appropriate actions to ensure that no persons who would engage, or who have engaged, in such dangerous activities or acts of intentional cheating will be allowed to participate in Formula One in the future.

Amen to that. The more transparent and straightforward the legal process, the less likely it is that those such as Briatore can attempt to shift the terms of debate. Throughout this case he has ignored the ethical dimension of his conduct and concentrated solely on protesting that Mosley is pursuing a vendetta against him. This is what statisticians and philosophers call the Motivational Fallacy: failing to engage with another person’s argument by calling into question their opponent’s motivation. Slippery politicians do it all the time.

If there is anything less edifying than an ageing plutocrat, it is the sight of one publicly handbagging another. The learned fellows of the Tribunal de Grande Instance clearly believed this, too, and awarded Briatore a pitiful fraction of the €2million he was claiming in damages.

2010: the ‘to do’ list

I’m rubbish at the whole new year resolutions thing, but here goes:

1) Attend more grands prix. For various reasons (hosting at Renault, working in other series, not being organised enough to sort accreditation in time, etc) I only went to one GP in 2009. Yes, the travel is expensive, but going to races and keeping busy during the weekend is the only way to properly keep up with what’s going on.

2) Watch Michael Schumacher in action at a big-balls corner, preferably during qualifying. Love him or hate him, MS is a fabulous sight on a hot lap.

3) Read a Thomas Hardy novel. Mrs C suggests Jude the Obscure.

4) Learn how to do a bow tie. May just be a very useful life skill…

5) Comment on more blogs. It’s the polite thing to do.

6) Finish reading A Man In Full. This is a failed resolution from 2009 (in my defence, although I’ve had the book 10 years, I bought it in large-format hardback from remaindered stock and it isn’t very portable).

7) Deliver my second book on time.

I’ll keep you posted on the progress of these throughout the year…

Schumacher: Back for (no) good

Later this morning Mercedes GP will announce that Michael Schumacher will drive for the team in 2010. There is a certain delicious irony here; since Mercedes already has Nico Rosberg under contract, many outlets carrying today’s news are describing Schumacher as the team’s ‘second driver’. It will not be so.

Michael Schumacher is the most rapacious competitor ever to stalk the Formula 1 paddock. Anyone who thinks he is coming back just for one last run around the block, or to add to his already considerable wealth, is kidding themselves. He’s here to win the 2010 world championship or die trying.

This hasn’t stopped some people soft-soaping the idea of Schumacher’s comeback. My colleague Ed Gorman wrote in The Times yesterday:

The impression gained is that the German wants to pick up where he left off with Ferrari when he retired in 2006. Those suggesting that he may see his role more as a mentor to Nico Rosberg, the 24-year-old who would be his team-mate, than a team-leading championship contender, are wide of the mark. He is said to be looking to add not only to his record 91 grand-prix wins, but also to his unparalleled haul of seven drivers’ titles.

Ed is pulling his punches here. Only a serial dingbat would imagine that Schumacher is going to play the avuncular mentor role to Rosberg. Michael wouldn’t have signed up unless he was confident he could blow young Nico’s doors off – and he will, by fair means or foul.

For Mercedes this is a PR coup (of sorts), plus some belated ROI after easing Michael’s path to F1 through the junior formulae. For German TV stations it’s good news for viewing figures. For anyone who views Formula 1 as a sport, rather than a crushingly cynical exercise in winning at any cost, it is utterly depressing.

People often ask me what Michael Schumacher is ‘really like’. I say it’s tricky to tell. In many ways he is perfectly normal. He has an extraordinary talent behind the wheel but he is also a family man and he adopts stray dogs. He’s also a shameless cheat.

I say ‘shameless’ advisedly. Michael has a feline quality. Cats have no guilt; a tiger will maul its keeper and then half an hour later wonder where they’ve gone. It’s the same in the business world. Robert Maxwell, Kenneth Lay and Bernard Madoff didn’t view their behaviour as fraud, but simply as a different business model.

It is this mindset that has driven Michael to avail himself of any means necessary to win, whether that be spinning deliberately to spoil an opponent’s qualifying lap (Monaco 2006), punting opponents off the circuit altogether (Australia 1994 and Jerez ’97), or compelling his team-mate to move over (Austria 2002). Let’s not get into the business of illegal traction control systems, although there is a story that Juan Pablo Montoya was moved to such fury at the Brazilian GP one year when he heard the Ferrari’s engine stutter (signifying the presence of TC) that he drove into Schumacher’s car.

For all these reasons I hope Michael Schumacher’s return to Formula 1 is a brief and inglorious one. There is good reason to hope: word reaches me that Sebastian Vettel has already signed a contract with Mercedes in 2011. Let’s drink to that…